Professional Advice From and For the Un(and Under)employed.

We've all read and absorbed countless media surrounding this so-called "economic recession." With that said, abrupt career changes may arise. The competition out there is fierce, so if you find yourself on the hunt, feel free to employ these job title suggestions to pimp out your resume. These fail-proof harmless white-lies may also be used for awkward social situations, disapproving family members, and former lovers. Think of a fluffed job title as a padded bra with removable silicone inserts: you're not really lying, just accentuating.

Got seven to ten days for shipping? For the career-padding-enthusiast, we at O.P. suggest you up the ante, go guerrilla on their ass, and manufacture your very own business cards. They'll come in handy at your next speed dating function at the local Best Western.

Coat-Checker - Personal Property Security Advocate
Mailroom Attendant- Global Communication Facilitator
Tanning Booth Operator - Cancer Research Promoter
Dishwasher - Vessel Hygienist
Retail Associate - Day Trader
I.T. Personnel- East Indian
Barista- Sustainable Energy Delegate
Motel Maid - Agent for Domestic Preservation
Babysitter - Juvenile Recreation Supervisor
Valet - Vehicular Strategist
Burger King Worker - Microwave Operator
Cashier - Mathematician "I work in numbers"
Mover - Commissioner of Residential Relocation
Telemarketer - Pure Evil Life Interruptor
Restaurant Host - Interior Travel Guide
Cafeteria Lady - Type II Diabetes Provider
Highway Toll Collector - Troll
Fluffer - Guidance Counselor, specializing in genital motivation
Grocery Stocker - Comestible Arrangement Deputy
Video Store Clerk - Film Postpostproduction Ambassador
Knock-Off Purse Seller - Luxury Negotiator
Taco Bell Server - Ethnic Hospitality Administrator
Unemployed - "It's Confidential"